Disclaimer: I am not writing this because I have found the answer. I am writing this to try and find an answer.
I can’t remember exactly when it started.
I remember feeling content and happy for a long time. I didn’t have anybody in my life but I was okay with that. Then it started to come. Like waves washing over me. This intense feeling of loneliness.
Watching everyone around you develop, find somebody and settle down is fine for a certain period of time. Then after a while you can see nothing but happy couples.
One thing I have found out though is that finding somebody or something to distract you from that feeling does not work. I do not believe, perhaps incorrectly, that I feel this way sometimes because I am single. I feel it because I am longing for change in my life. I am waiting for somebody to enter my life and change the way I view myself, my life, the world.
I don’t feel like this all the time. I am trying to be more honest and confront these feelings when they come though.
So when the loneliness consumes me I can look in the mirror and tell myself:
okay, you want change? I’ll give you change.
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